Ballin’ ballin’ ballin’, wearing fine boujee designers, and to top it all off, taking and uploading multiple snaps of enjoying life is the fastest way to crash all the way down to hell. If WhatsApp babes do not ruin you first with urgent 2k, girls for the gram will over-bill you just to show off their latest bags and locations while only your hand goes on show in their line of camera. So how do you avoid all these bills while maintaining a healthy financial lifestyle with complete freedom? Act like our very own Machala wey no send anybody.
Giving is beneficial and full of blessings, but that only applies to those in dire need of help, whereby it comes purely out of the goodness of your magnanimous heart. However, the best foolproof method to avoid billings from overzealous siblings, money-hungry girlfriends, and friends that are always borrowing without repayments is to fake ‘sapa’. Yes, you saw that clearly. While Sapa may be a term to describe being broke and lacking financial freedom, using it to your advantage is a blessing in disguise.
But take note, “faking sapa” is for people who have the money and are unwilling to break their lifetime bank savings for other people, so do not get comfy and wallow in #Sapa.00. Get up, buddy, and make that bag, but don’t waste it on meager needs brought by others who need your assistance to purchase an iPhone 14.
Is this mic working? Operator make it LOUDER! Back benchers may have a hard time hearing these points.
1. Achieve Celibacy
The fastest thing either gender can bring to the table in exchange for monetary terms is S£X. While lovemaking is purely consensual between two consenting adults, While you are trying to fake sapa, avoid sleeping with the opposite gender or same sex, whichever team you play for. DO NOT HAVE SEX DURING THIS CRUCIAL PERIOD. Horny humans do not have N50,000 to squander on transport fare or cozy hotel rooms. In fact, you do not have 1k to spare to buy a pack of condoms or a delicious meal to restore your strength. Do not fall for the ‘I gave up my body’ type of people and be put under the spell of ‘we had sex, so definitely I have every right to bill’.
2. Teach How To Fish.
That broke friend of yours is always in urgent need; ‘I need a favor, could you please lend me N200k’. You know you are not getting that money back next week, on pay day, or when the business proposal falls through. Whatever reason has been given, that money isn’t coming back, buddy. Teach your friend how to fish and stop giving him eyes of fish every time; you do not need the big man title; it’s [email protected] to have a rich circle of friends.
3. Avoid Relationships
I know there is a beautiful human on your mind right now. Yes! You’ve been eyeing them for quite a while now, unsure of how to strike the question. You’d be saving yourself from a lot of ‘baby, I’m craving pizza and ice-cream’, birthday, Valentine’s, and Christmas gifts. While it’s beautiful to be in love with someone, make sure they are financially independent. There is no head or neck carrying and turning a relationship. Both sides should be willing to adequately spoil each other respectfully.
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4. Stop Using Whatsapp Statuses
Online begging is a pretty common behavior among WhatsApp citizens. From mistakenly swiping right on someone’s status, you tend to see over screenshot pictures of ‘having palm oil and bread for dinner’, justifiable quotes to match ‘stingy koko’ humans. Do not let this visual representation guilt trip you into making that transfer. What are you doing on WhatsApp statuses in the first instance? From my extensive research, I have arrived at the conclusion that only ritualists have the money to buy data. It’s a lot of money needed, so save that data and you’ll be buying a nice Tesla plus a semi-detached apartment in Banana Island soon enough.
5. Avoid Asking People ‘ARE YOU FINE’ Questions.
People that care have special places in our hearts. Check on your loved ones and friends. Some may be depressed and in need of a listening ear. Be empathetic but do not fall into the “I’m not fine, I need money” set of people. While it is good to extend a lending hand, use a discerning mind to differentiate between those in pure need and those in need of a new flex.
6. Don’t Overflex
I know you are trying to avoid billing so you can reach that monthly goal and tick it off your checklist, but as a human, there is a tendency to burn. Avoid stress and hustle for the bag, but take vacations and treat yourself to nice things. While you plan to take the edge off, be careful on that shopping trip. The goal is to be rich and not to look rich. Modesty will forever be an intriguing virtue. You just need to look good and not like your problems or the fact that you’re packed enough to get those new lines of designers.
7. Drink Water and Mind Your Own Business.
Live subtly but not under the covers to be labeled an introvert or stingy. You cannot be a people pleaser nor always get on their bad sides. It’s next to impossible to please each person perfectly. But being human, you are allowed to care, have feelings, form healthy relationships and enjoy your life as you wish. However, do not be drawn into what you are not or be pressed under the weight of peer pressure. So, lie your way out, tell ’em’ your mommy keeps your money for you’, ‘payday isn’t here yet for salary earners’, ‘delete that bank app’, ‘lock up your funds’, ‘throw away that debit card’, ‘post garri without groundnuts on your status’, ‘bill them back too’, ‘call them boss and whine back’, whatever you do, do not make that transfer. Don’t Do It.
Most importantly, learn how to avoid price increases.
It’s okay not to have or pretense under the umbrella of not having. After all, you have to choose yourself first. Maybe other people are blind to your true reasons, but it will be worth it in the long run. You do not have to be detrimental because you decided to always stretch out an open hand. However, there are always other ways you can help and be human without digging your own grave while being empathetic to every sob story.
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